Slice of Life 8 (I guess?): On Setting Goals

 Well, it's March 8th and this is my fourth slice of life.  I set a goal to write daily in March and... I haven't met it.  To be honest, even typing that sentence kind of makes me upset with myself.  I told myself that I would write everyday in March, and I'm a week in and already failed?!  I am a goal oriented person, but sometimes feel tempted to just throw all plans to the wayside if things don't go as expected.... very all or nothing thinking.

Trying to eat healthier and eat a piece of chocolate before lunch?  Guess I should give up!

Miss my step goal for one day?  No point in trying to keep up my steps the rest of the day!

Spent too much this paycheck?  Guess I'm going to wait until next payday.

But I guess when I think about this month, I've written intentionally five times (counting today, hehe) during the first 8 days of the challenge.  That's better than last month!  That's more than I've written for fun in a long time!  Being a better me (meaning doing things that make me happy and fill up my cup) is like climbing a mountain.  One step at a time.

I searched my Google Photos for "mountain" and this gorgeous picture from my trip to the Azores in Portugal in 2018 came up.  I had a terrible friend falling out with the friend I traveled with, so I haven't looked at these pictures in ages.  SO PRETTY.

PS- If you leave a comment and are coming from SOL, can you leave your blog URL in the comment so I can check out your writing and leave a comment!  I want to make new internet friends!

Slice of Life Three: When You Can't Eat...

 Tomorrow, I am getting my first ever colonoscopy.  Fun, right?  Although I am only 29, a bevy of stomach issues has caused me to reach out to my doctor.  Today is a "liquid only" diet, and I was really anxious how I would be able to get through the day without eating.  It reminded me of when I was in my early twenties, living in Shanghai, and did juice cleanses every once in a while.  Honestly, nothing sounds worse then going through the day without eating.

Throwback photo when I was really into the Farmhouse juice cleanses.

This also made me reflect on how different I view my body than I did just five years ago.  The pandemic has put extra weight on me, but also helped me realize how fragile life is.  I hope in five years I can look back and be happy with how I looked and how I treated myself.  Also, I hope my colonoscopy doesn't render anything serious...

Slice of Life Two: Extra Recess

 We had our schedule changed around today because in science, students are working on their Rube Goldberg projects and needed more time.  (I have fond memories of completing a similar project when I was in science too!)  Because of this schedule, my last class was in my room for over two hours.  That is way too much time for students to be in the same room, and too much time for me.  I decided to take the kids out for a little bit of extra recess.  It was SO joyous.  It also reminded me how much adults just as much as kids need extra break time.  Break time for me looks like reading a book just for fun, watching anything on Bravo!, taking a bath, or sitting and scrolling on my phone (is that terrible?)  This is just a general reminder to myself and anyone know may need it, it is good to take breaks and have fun.  Sometimes so much can be refreshed after having just a few hours off of a task.

This post is coming a little late, but with good reason!  Last night our middle school team went to a Cavs game and it was so much fun. Community means everything to me, and getting to spend time outside of work with colleagues really filled my cup.

Cavaliers vs. Hornets, 3/2

Slice of Life One: Hello, March!

 It's been a really, really long time since I've made a commitment to daily writing.  The last time I can really think I did it was when I was teaching in China and blogging daily.  Recently I've been thinking a lot about practicing what I preach, quite literally: as a reading and writing teacher, it is important to my students and also to my own practice that I read and write daily.

For the next 31 days, I am committing to writing at least a few minutes about a "slice of my life" and joining some other teachers in an online community.  I am also committing to leaving at least three comments on other posts a day.  One of my New Years resolutions was to write more so this seems like fun.

I've always loved the start of a new month.  I love changing the background screen on my computer, I love turning the page in my calendar, and I love setting new goals and intentions.  (Strong Libra energy, right?)  I also really like spring.  This was my first Ohio winter since college and I forgot how long they feel.  I'm hoping this month brings some new energy (after a season of feeling so, so tired and kind of down) and the zest of passion that I usually have for my job.

What are you hoping to accomplish in March?

Thank you, Atlanta

I remember boarding the plane, leaving Shanghai back in May 2017 (how was that three years ago?!), thinking I would never love a place as much as I did in that moment.  I cried so much on that flight.  The truth was, I was leaving not by choice-- I was dealing with medical issues and needed to be home.  I remember thinking "there's no way I could love my life any more than I do living in Shanghai."  I had everything, friends, travel, a boyfriend, and most importantly a job that I loved.  Turns out I was wrong, and that I would find a place that fit me like a glove just a few months later.

Group chat and best friends Meg and Becca

I remember job searching back in Ohio and feeling like nothing fit right.  One weekend when I was visiting my Aunt and Uncle in Atlanta, I decided to apply to some jobs near them.  That was also the weekend that my boyfriend, who I was (so wrongly) completely obsessed with, and I broke up.  That weekend changed my life.  Just a few phone interviews and a packed car later, I was on my way to my new life, knowing just family and an old friend in the city.

 My door my first year at NGMS.  I had never had my own classroom before and was excited and terrified!

Now, as I sit with just a few days before I leave Atlanta, I am left with a heavy heart.  I hope I am making the right decision to move to Hong Kong and leave this amazing community I have built behind.  (I know that as humans, we must change and grow and challenge ourselves, so I do believe I am making the right choice to try a new adventure.  I would, however, be lying if I said there wasn't some fear with me).  I am so beyond grateful for every opportunity given to me, my amazing school, and students, my friends, and a city I've fallen in love with.

This was not the goodbye I intended.  I wanted to be able to tell my students in person how much they meant to me.  I wanted goodbye dinners with coworkers, a party with my friends, and a chance to visit all my favorite spots and museums, but the pandemic had other ideas.  So instead, I say thank you.

Thank you to the school who took a chance on me and helped me grow into the best teacher I've been.  There were hard days, but more often there were good days, fun days, and days full of joy.
Thank you to new friends, some who I met on the internet, some via friends of friends, who let me into your group where we traveled to weddings, bachelorette parties, brithdays, friendsgivings, and more.  We will be lifelong friends.
Thank you to the guys I dated... you were all wrong for me, and you led me to the right guy.
Thank you to my Aunt and Uncle, who let me live with them while I was starting over.
Thank you to my community, who held and supported me when I lost my brother in August.
Thank you, Atlanta.

Yours,

Rachael

January Life Audit// 2020

There's something to be said about hobbies, and writing has always been one for me. SO although nobody but me will find this interesting, here it goes.. 600+ words on the status of my life thus far in 2020.

January was rough.  I had really big intentions for 2020 and ideas about how I was going to make it so good and so much better, but I feel like it all kind of fell flat. I have big hopes and ambitions for February, and even though next month is b u s y, I hope I can, for lack of better word, get it together.

The biggest news is I AM MOVING TO HONG KONG IN AUGUST.  I’m also moving to a new apartment (well technically Daynell’s house) next weekend and then moving to Ohio (Michael’s apartment) in June so there’s just a lot of moving happening in 2020.  It’s overwhelming, but I’m trying to look at it as a way to become more of a minimalist? And like, go through all my stuff and get rid of and donate things that need to be rid of. Anyway, back to Hong Kong.  Yes, I’m going to teach high school (which is new for me, but something I’ve always thought of doing, to be honest) in a city I’ve been to three times before and have always LOVED. I’m excited and a little nervous but mostly excited.  This has been mixed with different views from family and friends… some confused, some wondering WTF I’m doing since I have a job I love and a partner (doesn't it sound more sophisticated to say partner instead of boyfriend? HA) here, some supportive. But at the end of the day it’s my life and I have to follow this itch I’ve had for the past two years to go back abroad so that’s what I’m going to do.

//Highlights

Destany’s birthday party.

Going to the art museum with Michael.

Probably our favorite date we’ve ever had.  We laughed so much and ended the night with THE best pasta dinner ever and bowling.  

Scrabble night with Kari and Abbey.

We drank so much Morrocan tea that I literally could not sleep that night.  This was the night I pretty much decided I was going to move to HK.

Korean Spa!!!

Talent Show with Student Council.

//Challenges

I was late to everyFREAKINGthing.  

I actually kept data on this and it wasn’t everything, but it was a lot.  This is one of the biggest things I want to work on in 2020 is showing up on time to things.  I’m habitually 2-5 minutes late to things and it’s something I really just want to work on. Part of this was because I felt so tired and overworked.  Another point is just not managing my time well. I realize this is a ME thing and is disrespectful to people in my life. I get it.

I felt so tired and stressed out the majority of the month.

Right now I’m working three jobs-- teaching, tutoring, and working part time at a yoga studio.  Frankly, it’s just too much and luckily in February I’ll be cutting back. I’m hoping this will help in the coming months.

I didn’t practice French very much (maybe once?) on Duolingo.

Maybe I didn’t practice because I don’t really feel like this is a goal I care about right now?  I should probably focus on learning some basic Cantonese since I’ll be living in HK but French feels easier since I have some basis in it.

//The data

-Yoga classes completed: 10

Books read: 3

Good Girls Lie by JT Ellison

One of Us is Next by Karen M. McManus

Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid

All good, all twisty… if I had to choose one, I would recommend Good Girls Lie

Looking ahead… February 

February will be a super busy month.  Not only am I moving, but I am going away for a Student Council weekend, and at the end of the month, Michael and I are going to Florida for a weekend trip to Universal (!!).

Things I'd like to accomplish:

-Stay on budget

-Try 5 new recipes

-Try to stay sane in my move

-Read three books

Here's to a better, clearer, happier month.

xx

Grief, 2.5 Months In.

When somebody dies, the first reaction is often that you don’t know what to do or say to help them.  My entire life changed the moment that my dad said “we lost him” and I found out my twenty-four year old brother died. I had just been called into my assistant principals office during open house, and was nervous that I was in trouble (if you know me you know I’m pretty much always anxious that I’ve done something wrong).  I was wearing black dress pants that were slightly too tight and our new school shirt that I didn’t really like. The counselor that I’d never met before was in the room. The second the door opened, I knew that Matt was dead. It’s not the first time in my life that I’ve been speechless, but it will always be the most memorable.  The next weeks passed by in a blur.

Now, things have settled down.  It’s been two and a half months.  I can function. I can smile and laugh.  I have hope for a future. There are moments of great, deep pain, but also moments where I remember funny things that Matt said or did.  Knowing I will never see him again is confusing and painful. It’s confusing because I’m having a wonderful school year. I’m connecting with my students in ways I haven’t before (or maybe after six years I’m finally just getting the hang of it?).  It’s sort of like grief cracked me open and made me start fresh.

A lot of people said, have said, or continue to say “I just don’t know what to do.” I understand this.   So, I decided to write about it. As someone who spent six years of her life blogging about everyday, and now is an English teacher who spends a ridiculous amount of time reading and writing, this seems like a natural extension.  And who knows, maybe this will help someone. Writing is therapeutic.

A small caveat.  Also, my experience is not everyone's.  I’m not going to try to act like it is.  

Acknowledge the loss.

This is the hardest thing but the most important thing to me.  The other day I went to a night time couples bridal shower. I had already had a hard day because I was thinking about how my brother would never go to his high school reunion (I swear to God the most random things trigger grief).  I saw a friend that I hadn’t seen in a few months. She asked what was new and I froze. All I could think was… my brother died. That’s what’s new! I froze up. But my friend just looked at me and said “I know, just so you know. So we can talk about it or not talk about it.”  In that moment, I appreciated her more than she’ll ever know.  

Do the heavy lifting.

Please don’t ask me how he died, who found him, etc.  It’s really rude, really hurtful, and the few people who have done that I’m holding a slight grudge against because I’m being petty, ha.  Instead, ask me to share a fun memory, or just let me know you’re there. (Like my friend Anthony, who said, I never got to meet your brother but it was evident that he was an amazing guy so I’m here if you want to talk about the good times or bad).  Or, if I do need to talk about the not so pretty parts, don’t act grossed out or be judgemental.  

If you ask how I’m doing, be prepared for an honest answer.

Is this one just me?  If you ask me if I’m okay, I’ll answer honestly.  I’ll share about how I almost broke down at aforementioned bridal shower because my brother will never be able to be at mine.  As someone who truly excels at being vulnerable, just warning ya you may get a real answer. Also, some days are honestly good.  That doesn’t mean I’m not sad.

Send the sympathy card, go to the service, do the Hard Things.

As someone who has never sent a sympathy card before (A text is fine! It’s 2019!), I will now always send a sympathy card.  In my opinion, a Facebook message counts, but saying absolutely nothing because you don’t know what to say is not okay.  My friend John messaged me and said if he hadn’t had a prior commitment he would have driven down to attend the service from Michigan, which turned me into a puddle of tears.  I will never forget that, nor the tons of people who have stepped up in my time of need. You know who you are.

2.5 months in and I’m surviving.  Some days, even thriving.